Radio has been good to me but I have not been good to it. That is why my magical numbers are once again down so I need ways to attract new listeners and suck a little bit less. Thanks to a lack of proper sleep and a puff of canned air, I was able to brainstorm a few Super Innovate Radio Ideas™️:
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- Instacart but a bunch – I mean a lot – of imitation crab meat and have it delivered to a bowling alley every Wednesday
- Hire a sky writer to draw lewd but artistic nudes
- Buy everyone really tall hats
- Hold a PB&J social to inspire nostalgia
- Vaguely threaten a senator or two
- Go to Walmart, Best Buy, and other stores then put all the radio presets on KLBJ.
- Have a short hat under our really tall hats
- I was going to suggest building a giant device to block out the sun in our town and make people pay for the light but then I remembered Mr. Burns tried to do that on the Simpsons and it didn’t work out so well
- Unnecessary prolonged eye contact
- Make friends
- Turn listening into a multi level marketing opportunity
- Pay panhandlers to hand out cold, wet hotdogs at rivals events
- A tiny hat underneath our short hat if the original hat under hat bit doesn’t land
- Get back that station the Hungarian government seized from us years ago
- Call mom (this is a personal reminder not necessarily a suggestion)
- Sell some merch
- The space snake has begun to feast on the sky! You will all awake to a new dawn. The old gods have been eaten and their placental blood shall reign down a new birth of man.
- Hire lobbyists and petition the government to put in protections for our industry and rebranded as “clean radio” although there is no such thing
Thanks. Please listen and I’ll do my best to suck a little bit less.
