Our country is divided like never before. Libturds and elite athletes refuse to stand for the National Anthem, which completely outrages rednecks and wealthy business dads everywhere. They fight on Facebook, call names in ballparks, and refuse to have Thanksgiving together.
What can we do to stop the coming civil war? Perhaps Americans need something new to get behind. Perhaps we need to change that boring ass anthem that no one knows the words to. Perhaps it is time to choose a song we all know and love.
Here are a few suggestions:
Shoot To Thrill – AC/DC
The Case: This is the freaking Iron Man song. Name something more patriotic than an egotistical billionaire taking out terrorists with advanced weaponry. This song has it all! It’s short, it’s memorable, and it’s fast paced. This needs to be the new National Anthem.
Main Point: There is NOTHING more American than AC/DC.
Free Bird – Lynyrd Skynyrd
The Case: Shoot to thrill not serious enough for you? Okay, how about a nine minute rock ballad that starts off slow and build towards an explosive finish with communist shredding guitar solos?
Main Point: Free Bird is literally a song about a Bald Eagle so why not?
Born in the USA – Bruce Springsteen
The Case: This patriotic tune tells the tale of a middle class man who worked his way up and accomplished the American dream. What is that man’s name? BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN
Main Point: If you were born somewhere else go back.
Proud to Be an American – Lee Greenwood
The Case: The song hit number one on the charts thanks in part to 9/11. Ever since then, it has become the jingoistic anthem of pandering rednecks.
Main Point: Most people already think this the National Anthem
Fortunate Son – Creedance Clearwater Revival
The Case: The song is about all the lucky children of American’s who actually accomplished something with their lives.
Main Point: Nothing beats American military might.
Firework – Katy Perry
The Case: Maybe the songs listed above are too old. Maybe we need something the kids can get behind? After all, we’ve already screwed up the country and will be dead in a few years.
Main Point: She looks like those hot 50s women from back when America was great.
The Case: It’s catchy and people will actually remember the words so it is a great way to brainwash disrespectful millennial kids into loving America again.. Maybe we can change shark to Eagle?
Main Point: It has more YouTube views than the actual National Anthem.
Vote below and I will email the President. Suggestions? Comment on our Facebook.