Worst People at ACL Fest
Oct. 06, 2016
Worst People at ACL Fest
Giant Flag Gerry
We get it. You want attention. You want to be the rallying cry... the focal point of your friend’s festival existence. However, you’ve had 16 Miller Lites, your shoddily constructed pole keeps knocking into people, and we can’t see the stage!
Hot Cindi on the Shoulders
Similar to Giant Flag Gerry, you are drunk, knocking into everyone and blocking the view (okay if 18+ and topless).
Paint Huffing Pauli
Dude . Wait. Did I really just see that? You are huffing spray paint – at a giant outdoor music festival? So, so many questions… but first I have to scramble to get my iPhone came- ah dammit he’s gone.
Crowd Surfing Carlisle
This isn’t that sort of show, bro. It’s Band of Horses , you are hammered, and weigh 230 pounds. GET OFF US!
Could Care Less Laci
Yes, you waited an hour to get side stage, had to flirt with an ex to get wristbands from his company, and then had to sneak in his friend BUT you are watching Local Natives from the best spot in Zilker Park and could care less!!!
Anyone named Matt is just the fucking worst. Seriously, why would you invite him? He doesn't even listen to rap. He's pretending to sing along to Schoolboy Q .
Sweaty Shirtless Samuel
At some point you are going to make physical contact with another human and that’s just disgusting.
Ironic Fashion Ferdinand
Normal festival fashion is a bitch to deal with now this? Take those dick shirts and shove them up your ass! “But ver German!” Oh, okay. Wait! Who’s your favorite club in the Bundesliga? “ahhhh, uuuh, Schalke 04?” LIARS! You just want your picture taken. “Run! Schnell!”
Spits Water Into the Air Walther
When sweating in the thick of a crowd, under the heat of the Texas sun; no thinks to themselves: “I wish someone would spit water so high into the air it will rain down upon us like a fine, cooling mist.”
Wristband Douche Danni
Screw you and your access to all the free booze, food, and air conditioned porta-potties. Why are you even here?
Anyone Who Stands in This Line
Walker Lukens is playing right now and you've been waiting for an hour, in the sun, to have an idiot you don’t know take a blurry, basic ass picture of you in the ACL Fest Frame? Pro Tip: Get there before 4pm or wait until it gets dark. Or don’t.
Berlin Wall Of Bros
I’ve said it before: if you are a big & tall man, you don’t belong upfront at a concert. Furthermore, why are you at the Chainsmokers , dude(s)?
Benny the Baby Bringer
Kids don’t want to be there. You don’t want them with you and it makes the rest of us depressed watching sunburnt little chunks of skin cry in the beer line. Get a sitter, stay home, or catch Mumford & Sons next year.
Friend of your Ex Felicity
Oh god dammit why do I always run into you? Why do you always look so hot? No, I don’t have a molly hookup. Yes, let’s get a beer. Yes, I did bring my wallet. Oh, this is Dave? Cool good to meet your date. Sure, I'll take your picture. Oh, at the giant frame? Sure, I'll wait in line with you two. Good seeing you as well! Yeah, sure I’ll catch ya’ll at Die...
Really, anyone that is in this line
Great now we have to wait for some chub to awkwardly propose at a music festival to his girlfriend of 8 months. OMG! WE MET AT deadmau5!!!
Blanket Fort Brecken
Much like Flag Freddie, your group MUST hang at all times. Only, you’ve decided to post up at one area, set up 50 square feet of blankets and block them off with lawn chairs. All though you are blocking the main foot path to the stage
Fuck seeing any music or enjoying life. Pete sits his Tommy Bahama wearing ass back stage, sipping on free tequila, judging and bitching about how much he hates music festivals. Meanwhile, his hot wife is grinding with frat bros at Flume .
Nothing is good enough for her. She’s got to hustle, bustle and push her way to all the secret areas of any stage or festival. If security DARE question her she raises hell. Sidestage with free booze? NOT GOOD ENOUGH! She needs to be on stage, playing with the band and getting an IV of watermelon vodka directly into her rectum. “OMG, these Snaps are going...
Anyone with a Flash Tat
Have fun at Kygo .
I am literally the worst (even more so than a Matt). Have a great fest and find more below!