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This is Why You Suck At Love

Love Advice From the Worst Guy on the Internet

Dating sucks. It is a weird game of heartache, happiness, and mind reading

Why is it so hard to find someone? Maybe part of the problem is YOU. 

I have had it with my friends who complain on Facebook about dating but keep making the same mistakes again and again. I’ve crafted this list based on my experiences and our collective failures. 

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1) You'll never find love from an app

Ever. It will fail you and betray you every time as apps have become synonymous with hooking up.

Tinder CJ


2) The problem isn't "fuck boys" or "thots" it's you!

Don’t blame others for your inability to read the signs or pick a good partner. It should be painfully obvious if someone only wants to hit it and quit it. Set your boundaries. Don’t fall into the trap.


3) Be single for a while.

Wow. You are Facebook official after a week.

Far too often I have watched friends jump into something ‘serious’ after barely being single just because they were tired of being alone - not because they were ready or felt a deep connection with a spectacular individual. 

Guess what? It didn’t last two months.

Be single for a while. A long while.

Figure your shit out.

cj morgan austin monthly


4) Be aware of codependency

If you have really, really strong feelings, or post on social media about each other, or are calling each other b/f - g/f and you haven't dated OR KNOWN this person for more than three months you are co-dependent. That shit is weird. 

cj morgan AWM gala


5) Marriage + Kids + House is not the formula for happiness

True, it is the “American Dream” but that dream often comes at a cost: your personal happiness. Having that life doesn’t mean you are going to magically be happy with someone you are already having problems with. 

matt bearden kids


6) Dating with Kids

If you have a kid, date someone that has a kid instead or is okay with kids instead of trying to hide that you have a kid.
 Relationships should be a partnership and honesty should be a priority. If you are worried someone will be scared off then screw them. They were never meant to be a part of your family anyhow.

cj morgan nephew


7) Wear protection or use birth control


It is so damn easy to take precautions. Again, having a kid isn’t going to guarantee your happiness and make things magically work with someone you barely know.

Wrap it up, no glove no love.


8) Realize The Internet has changed things forever

Back in the day, you found a Mexican food restaurant in your neighborhood and fell in love with it. You ate there every Sunday afternoon. Now, thanks to the Internet, people realize there are cheese shops in the fucking Alps (do you get the metaphor here...?)

twin peaks klbj


9) Does something 'just not feel right'?

Well, it probably isn't,

Sometimes your gut instincts are correct. Explore them instead of ignoring them because you really like that person.

cj morgan las vegas


10) Guys are creepy

We mainly only want to have sex or get attention (especially that older, successful good looking dude who is still on Tinder and single for some reason). Our little peens not only lie to you but to us as well! Be weary of this phallic witchcraft 

stripper cj


11) Enjoy Being Alone

Finding yourself is the greatest thing to ever happen in the world. Relish that. Live that.

limo cj morgan


12) What is love (and relationships)?

It's finding someone you really get along with, then having a rush and kick of chemicals pump into your brain long enough to be lulled into comfort.

But maybe it is more than that? Maybe it is finding someone you genuinely want to spend your days with. 

Just give it time, avoid these pitfalls and it will happen for you. 

cj morgan lisa friedrich

About the Author

CJ Morgan is not a writer. He is a click-bait hack and angry radio DJ who is bitter over the fact no one ever clicks on his stuff and that he will never be famous enough.

CJ and Miles

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