The New National Anthem Has Been Decided

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The New National Anthem Has Been Decided

Five Songs That Should Replace the National Anthem

Our country is divided like never before. Libturds and elite athletes refuse to stand for the National Anthem, which completely outrages rednecks and wealthy business dads everywhere. They fight on Facebook, call names in ballparks, and refuse to have Thanksgiving together.

What can we do to stop the coming civil war? Perhaps Americans need something new to get behind. Perhaps we need to change that boring ass anthem that no one knows the words to. Perhaps it is time to choose a song we all know and love. 

Last month we asked those questions and now YOU have decided. America as agreed up a new National Anthem and that song is...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Africa - Toto

This THIS is a song all Americans know and love. How pumped do you get when this comes on the radio? Toto’s Africa is not only a great National Anthem it might be the greatest song ever written.

The only thing we might need to tweak is the title and some of the lyrics (perhaps change Africa to America, the Great Plains instead of the Serengeti, etc).

 

 

The original nominees:

Shoot To Thrill – AC/DC

The Case: This is the freaking Iron Man song. Name something more patriotic than an egotistical billionaire taking out terrorists with advanced weaponry. This song has it all! It’s short, it’s memorable, and it’s fast paced. This needs to be the new National Anthem.

Main Point: There is NOTHING more American than AC/DC.

 

Free Bird - Lynyrd Skynyrd

The Case: Shoot to thrill not serious enough for you? Okay, how about a nine minute rock ballad that starts off slow and build towards an explosive finish with communist shredding guitar solos?

Main Point: Free Bird is literally a song about a Bald Eagle so why not?

 

Born in the USA – Bruce Springsteen

The Case: This patriotic tune tells the tale of a middle class man who worked his way up and accomplished the American dream. What is that man’s name? BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

Main Point: If you were born somewhere else go back.

 

Proud to Be an American – Lee Greenwood

The Case: The song hit number one on the charts thanks in part to 9/11. Ever since then, it has become the jingoistic anthem of pandering rednecks.

Main Point: Most people already think this the National Anthem

 

Fortunate Son – Creedance Clearwater Revival

The Case: The song is about all the lucky children of American’s who actually accomplished something with their lives.

Main Point: Nothing beats American military might.

 

Firework - Katy Perry

The Case: Maybe the songs listed above are too old. Maybe we need something the kids can get behind? After all, we’ve already screwed up the country and will be dead in a few years.

Main Point: She looks like those hot 50s women from back when America was great.

 

Baby Shark

The Case: It’s catchy and people will actually remember the words so it is a great way to brainwash disrespectful millennial kids into loving America again.. Maybe we can change shark to Eagle?

Main Point: It has more YouTube views than the actual National Anthem.  

 

 

Vote below and I will email the President.  Suggestions? Comment on our Facebook.

 

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