Time Honored Tradition of Littering in Austin
It's that time of year again when Austinites litter the sides of highways with dumpy decorations to celebrate baby Jesus, or Kwanzaa, or Chanukah, or Festivus for the Restivus. Rowdy Rockers like to drop me a line when this madness commences...
I can remember a time when only a few trees were decorated on 360. It looked festive and people always cleaned up their mess in a timely fashion. Now, much like hipsters, the trend seems to have spread everywhere with no end in sight. See a tree with pines on it? Better decorate it!
Now you animals have taken the "decorating" craze to a new level. I've seen trees decorated by ADVERTISEMENTS! Nothing says 'Tis The Season like destroying the environment while marketing your wares.
Telling yourself you'll take down this dribble in January, then never getting around to doing it, makes you a giant ahole. The "decorations" might look nice on all the helpless conifers, but one good rain, or GAWD help us all if a wet freeze rolls through town, and the whole lot looks like trees from a drug fueled Krampus all-nighter.
The worst is when people driving on the already congested and atrocious highways in Austin enjoy this weak attempt at art and SLOW DOWN TO ENJOY IT! Nothing says "we're an advanced civilization" like purposefully increasing congestion on major thoroughfares to appreciate litter.
We might as well start a new tradition of burning dung in trash cans in front of these trees so we can meet our fellow Austinities and shoot the breeze. We can all talk about how great Austin used to be while gorging on Gluten Free Fruitcake and drinking nonalcoholic Eggnog whilst wearing fingerless gloves and an imported Free-Trade Yak hair knitted beanie.
If you do assault these defenseless and unwitting trees, please get your lazy ass back out there in January and pick up after yourself. You can always send your wacky pictures of Holiday splendor and idiocracy to BDOE@klbjfm.com.
Side note - This world is full of jerks.
*** It's come to my attention that people are actually stealing the trash, I mean 'decorations', from these poor trees on the sides of the road in Austin. Here's some advice... don't leave your money dangling from helpless conifers on the sides of highways and then no one will think about stealing it. I'd be ok with this 'tradition' going away all together. I can see the city getting involved sooner than later and maybe trying to wet their beak with permits or some wacky policing of the decorating. If you want to honor a loved one, or have a fun tradition, then post a tree on your property or place of business and decorate it there. That way, if someone comes to steal anything from it, you can shoot them. After all, this is TEXAS.
Worried that you're packing on too many holiday pounds? Let this "dance" troupe from Russia give you some "twerk out" tips to trim that waistline.
Need to get away from the family during the holidays? Maybe 48 hours KID FREE in New Orleans is just what you need! Check out this photo gallery of things to drink, eat, drink and drink whilst you're there!