Social Media Mondays: Get More Twitter Followers
1/14/2014 11:50:00 AM
Lesson One: 16 Tweet-Tips to Get More Followers and Generate Twitter Buzz
Welcome to my new weekly segment called Social Media Mondays. As a social media expert, guru and teacher of technology; it's my job to help you learn the best social media tactics.
We will start with what is probably the most important measure of a person: having Twitter followers. After a lot of research and trials, I have found 16 types of tweets, not just tactics, that can help you to become a powerhouse.
1) Ask about exciting new Apple products for free.
Reason: People will naturally flock to someone who they assume is tech savvy AND into great deals. Also, there are millions of accounts dedicated to helping people find great deals - they will just follow you!
2) Continually threaten a prominent figure or state official.
Reason: Different government entities and watchdog groups like to monitor everything you do. First, they have to find and follow you.
3) Tell the world you're really into meeting hot chicks, porn and finding new fetishes.
Reason: Chicks, and I mean HAWT chicks like a guy who is bold and in touch with their inner perv. I gained 70 followers with this one simple tweet!
4) Follow a bunch of self-proclaimed social media experts, ask for their help, then become a social media expert (they are easy to spot... most have the same number of 'following' as 'followers'.
Reason: Birds of a feather flock together.
5) Use twitter to login to right-wing chat rooms. Talk about how much you hate Obama and the illegal immigrants that took your job.
Reason: Right Wing Neo-Conservatives are a tight nit community. They love a good racist joke and hate Obama. Be sure to use the hashtag #tcot (top conservatives on Twitter).
6) Create a bunch of fake twitter accounts, follow yourself (see @klbj937 @StephenHawkKing @whispyminks , @darkives etc).
7) Tweet about abortion.
Reason: Ever since that episode of Maude, it seems to be a hot topic.
8) Ask LeVar Burton to retweet a picture of your cat (who is wearing a Geordi La Forge costume)
Reason: Celebrities love two things: themselves and cats. Easy RT.
9) Make ominous threats and cries for help.
Reason: Sympathy, great attention getter. Plus ladies love to "fix" a guy.
10) Ask how to meet hot single women.
Reason: I don't know why but women seem to follow me in drones (and send links to their websites).
11) Create a fake celebrity account then tweet back and forth with them.
Reason: This will give the illusion that you are popular and interesting (why else would a famous person like you).
12) Go to grad school, start a blog about cats and indie music.
Reason: Snotty, boring, hipster grad student bloggers seem to have thousands of followers.
13) Search #teamfollowback, then follow all those people.
Reason: Everyone wants to be part of team.
14) Just straight up ask how you can get more Twitter followers and always ask for RT's.
Reason: Social media experts will find and help you.
15) Just buy them then tweet about how many followers you have and how grateful you re to have them.
Reason: Sometimes you need to create a self buzz. People are weary to follow losers (ie: those without many followers).
16) The best overall method is to just follow @theCJMorgan and re-tweet everything he says.
Reason: Because I am the man. Now follow dammit!
Thank you and stay tune for next week's topic: Tackling Tinder.