Top 25 Douchiest Bars in Austin
Posted 1/7/2013 12:29:00 PM

According to, these are the 25 Douchiest Bars in Austin. Honestly, I feel a few were left out (I’m looking your way West 6th). However, I feel like we should debate... AND to be fair, I am going to give each one of these bars a visit and review in 2013.


Before you look at the list, here are the questions I ask when considering “is this a douche bar?”.
-Is there a strong chance I am going to get beat up?
-Are the drinks unreasonably overpriced?
-Do they have beer on tap?
-Is this place referred to as a lounge?
-Could the guys that hang out here be cast on Jersey Shore?
-Do the guys in here have haircuts like Rick Perry’s and Blazers on?
-Am I about to be sucker punched?
-Is that a professional DJ or is that the ‘house professional’ dj?
-Would this bar be popular in Dallas or Houston?
-Are the owners of this bar using it as a front to sell heroin?
-How trendy/gimmicky is this bar?
-Dress Code?
-Clean bar filthy/small restrooms?
-Are there any UT or Texas State students in here?
-Any chance I am going to get laid? No? Dammit.
-Am I about to get in a fight?


Top 25 Douchiest Bars in Austin*
25. Dogwood
24. Logan’s
23. Mean-Eyed Cat
22. Cheers
21. Geisha Room
20. Touche
19. Dizzy Rooster
18. Lustre Pearl
17. Coyote Ugly
16. Iron Cactus
15. Molotov
14. J Blacks
13. Scholz
12. Chuggin Monkey
11. Friends
10. Library
09. Recess Arcade Bar
08. The Ranch
07. Cain & Abels
06. Fado
05. Aquarium
04. Champions
03. Bikini’s
02. Pete’s Piano Bar
01. Cool River Cafe

*For the record, THIS IS NOT MY LIST and I will review all of these establishments individually and make my own assessment (of course, I am willing to be bribed. Absolutely, no integrity, I want free booze).

What really makes a bar douchey? The vibe, the patrons, the staff, the name, the music, the location? No. It’s the alcohol. When drunk, even the most civilized of us can act like total douchebags.

Now, if you want to read about each bar in Complex’s “Click to Read so our Webstats go Up Blog Format” you can do so HERE.

Posted By: CJ  
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