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City Votes to Change Name of Street After Islamic Leader

The City voted to allow the name change of a road named for a Confederate general. The board voted eight in favor, with one abstention, to rename Robert E. Lee Road.

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One councilmember, Susy Qualance, opted to name the road after an Islamic folk hero in order to "calm the tense political climate and force Central Texas residents to be more tolerant".

Chair Gerald Harmfbuger agreed: “Why do we want a school named after a traitor and a loser?”

The proposed name, Abbas ibn Abd al-Muttalib, is a tribute to the founder of the Abbasid Caliphate. The dynasty spanned from Persia to Egypt and lasted roughly 300 years.

LeeRobert E. Lee is best known as the General who cost the South the war after making several tactical mistakes at the battle of Gettysburg. Rather than continue to march towards Washington D.C. – thus forcing the North to divide their armies and meet him – Lee choose to abandon the plan, move his force (based on bad intelligence) and confront superiorly positioned Union troops.

Even after the battle had begun and it was clear there would be no victory, Lee refused to withdraw (against the advice of his generals) and instead continued to order several disastrous uphill charges.

The decisive loss cost the Confederates any chance at mounting another offensive into the North. As one councilmember noted, “Abbas ibn Abd al-Muttalib wouldn’t have been that stupid."

NOTE: This is poorly written satire aimed to prove that the masses of dummies online do not read and are easily riled up over nothing.


RELATED: Controversial Statue of Muslim Leader Under Construction in Austin

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