A Review Of My Bar Rescue Appearance By Ryan Revolver (@KLBJMovies)
Posted 3/8/2013 1:00:00 PM

*** (This is a review of my appearence on Bar Rescue by Ryan Revolver. He is KLBJ Movies. Thoughts and words are his own.)

“You wanna close out”-BDOE to his token white friend.

This review is for those that did not join BDOE out at Nomad Bar to watch a reality show (which is really passé going to a bar to watch a reality show about a bar). If I wanted to be so cliché I would time-travel to Seattle circa 1991, with a bag of black tar and my dirtiest flannel shirt.

Set on 6th street, married bar owners Tim & Sara struggle. When they are not fighting in front of customers, Tim is kicking out people that do not fit his idea of a proper bar patron. The show reached critical mass once Sara kicked Tim’s sorry ass out from behind the bar.

Not being a partaker in alcohol, I frequent bars as much as a prostitute frequents church. I must say Tim is the worst bar owner that I have never met. That is until he has a self-realization that he needs to get a clue. Trying to hold on to his decaying values of self-punk-worth; Tim mutters out “Austin’s unique, trying to keep it unique.” Tim is nose-diving (ungracefully) while he hides behind the city’s slogan of Keep Austin Weird. Sell out, go corporate, and stack some bills.

Uhhh, duckface?

Regarding the show host, Jon Taffer, I must say he is an angry man. I know angry. Taffer leads the audience to a gut wrenching sit down with Tim and Sara…complete with a dramatic & original score. Martinis are supposed to be stirred and not shaken. Jon Taffer needs to tell that to the #1 Martini drinker in the world-Bond, James Bond. Throughout the entire show I was trying to think of who Taffer reminded me of. Then it hit me-he is the American version of Zlatko Buric.

As much of a jerk as Taffer comes off as; he infuses himself with the bar staff and owners by using the term “we” when talking about the business possibly going out of business in two months. The stereotype of a whiskey expert also being Irish was employed in this episode, where mixologist Peter O’Connor (yeah O’Connor) comes in. O’Connor comes off as simply commonplace, until he revamps the drink selections with fierceness. The new drink selection was just step 1. The next process was dropping The Brixton name-which Tim put his foot down on. I must say the bar getting a garage style door to open up the front room was totally predictable, and was a metaphor for how Tim choses to mask his attitude.  

BDOE sightings are more commonly occurring than Bigfoot sightings…

The main reason to focus on this episode is for the numerous BDOE sightings that sprinkle the episode like angel dust from your favorite East 6th dealer. It was real rich for BDOE to chastise Tim for bad use of social media; when BDOE posts pictures of animals humping every Wednesday. In fact I don’t even know its Wednesday till I hear BDOE mutter out “hump-day rowdy rockers!”

“Tim, I’m tellin’ ya, I’ve seen every Kate Upton video online.”

Reality TV is not a good venue for BDOE, which is why I started writing a Broadway Musical centered around him called BDOE in New York

 

Follow RYAN REVOLVER and KLBJ MOVIES on TWITTER

Posted By: B-DOE  
comments powered by Disqus
Advertising

Podcast

Advertising